The ABC’s of Austin Traffic: Or 26 Things You’ll Only Get if You Drive in ATX

A is for Austin

Home to live music, BBQ and some of the worst traffic in the country. But please, move here!static1.squarespace

B is for Barricades

That block Dirty Sixth on weekend nights. Explain to your recently transplanted Lyft driver how to avoid this bedlam so that you can be swiftly on your way to the East Side.

C is for Car2Go

They’re everywhere. Should you get a membership? Pros: Wicked easy to park. Cons: Makes a bad first impression on your Bumble date. 

D is for The Drag

Where pedestrian traffic is four times higher than any other part of Austin. Expect to see at least 17 sorority sisters dressed in oversized T-shirts. Drive carefully and please don’t hit the college kids.

E is for Enfield Road Exit

Where three lanes become two. In the words of Billie Joe Armstrong, Wake me up when September ends (and the construction on MoPac is complete).

F is for Frontage Road

Slightly less congested than I-35 at 5 p.m., but not much.static1.squarespace-1

G is for Guadalupe Street

Did you say it with a Spanish accent? Well you’re wrong.

H is for Hundred Degrees

How to describe your car after it’s been sitting on any given street in Austin mid-July. You’re not going anywhere for at least 10 minutes. Crank dat A/C.

I is for I-35

The literal highway to hell.

J is for Joggers (And Dogs)

Who you have to watch out for when finding parking near Town Lake. You’ll brake at least once for a French Bulldog wearing a sweater vest.

K is for Kolache

The breakfast food that makes every morning commute brighter.

L is for License Plates (Not From Texas)

Your friend who’s lived in Austin slighter longer than you will shout, “Stop moving here!” to every car with California plates.static1.squarespace-2

M is for MoPac

Did you just call it Loop 1? Do you even go here?

N is for Nerve-wracking

The feeling you get while attempting to back-in angle park on South Congress. Don’t honk at me, mustached man in the Volvo 240, I’m trying my best.

O is for Obama Traffic

Coming to a bridge near you SxSW 2016.

P is for Pedicab

That transports you to VIA 313 at 1:15 a.m. Your driver’s name will be Brody. He will be wearing jorts. You will accidentally tip him $50. static1.squarespace-3

Q is for Quest

What you go on when trying to find parking downtown.

R is for Rain. Light Rain. A sprinkle, really.

Causes Austinites to drive approximately 30 mph slower. 

S is for SxSW

The event that your friend who was born and raised here loves to hate. They’re already grumbling about the traffic and probably planning a weekend away to a bed and breakfast in Fredericksburg.

T is for Train

Yes, we have one! Nah, we don’t use it.

U is Uber Surge Pricing

In Austin, Texas, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl will spend $231.17 on an Uber ride to The Ranch and can’t really say anything about it because she foolishly typed 10.1 into her phone.static1.squarespace-4

V is for Victory

The feeling you get when it’s Sunday and parking is free. Saved $3. Huzzah!

W is for Waze

The life-saving app that gets you from work to home on a regular basis. Sure, I’ll take Shady Lane. Seems legit.

X is for boX

As in Don’t Block the Box. Do people still block the box? Yup.

Y is for Yellow Light

As in should I speed up or slow down? News flash: the Austin traffic light system is not out to get you. Eighty-five percent of the signals are synchronized, and they’re constantly re-evaluated for better timing. Somebody does care if you make it to Trivia Night on time.

Z is for Zilker

An oasis away from the traffic. (Park or brewery, depending on your preference.) We might complain about your infrastructure, Austin, but we love pretty much everything else about you.

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